The phone rings… Tring…..Tring….Tring… “Hafsah! Where are you? Hafsah! Answer the phone…calls Hafsah’s mother Jee! Ammy Jaan…replies Hafsah… Hello! Who is speaking? At the other end she can hear her cousin, Rummanah sobbing… Calm down Rummanah, what is the matter, why are you crying…?
After a few more sobs, Rummanah tells her that her eldest sister; Nabeelah who was recently married has been divorced. The marriage did not last two months and her parents are fighting and blaming one another for the break-up; and to top it all, Nabeelah is pregnant and has been expecting for the past four months. Hafsah pacifies Rummanah and tells her that she will be by her house in the next hour.
As Hafsah’s brother leaves her at Rummanah’s she realises that she does not know what to say and how to console her friend…after much thought she comes to a solution. Once inside the house, she greets everyone and rushes to Rummanah’s room. She can instantly feel the melancholy in the house, the gloominess as if someone had passed away. Assalāmu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakātuhu” says Hafsah whilst giving her dear cousin a big hug. Once again Rummanah starts crying. Hafsah looks her in the eyes and tells her: “Rummy, stop crying and get ready! We are going to see my Abba.”
Hafsah’s father was a well-known scholar. Once there, Rummanah tells Maulānā everything about her sister’s divorce that her sister Nabeelah was dating this boy for almost two years and when they decided to tie the knot it did not even last two months. She exclaimed: “Maulānā! They look very happy with one another… I just can’t understand… Hafsah’s father ponders for a while and exclaims: “Why don’t you both come to the Masjid’s ladies section…I am about to give a short lecture and Insha-Allāh I will discuss this topic as well, Insha Allāh… Perfect, exclaims Hafsah ecstatically. We’ll get the answers to our dilemma and we’ll also have the opportunity of sitting in the garden of Jannah. After a short while the lecture starts…
In The Name Of Allāh the Most Merciful, Most Compassionate May He Send His Choicest Salutations upon Our Beloved Master, Hadhrat Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم
Respected brothers, mothers and sisters…
Islam is a perfect and complete religion. Every injunction of Islam is the command of Allāh Ta’ala. One of the last verses of the Quran-e-Kareem to be revealed was: “Today, I have perfected your religion for you, and have completed My blessing upon you, and chosen Islam as your Deen” (5:3)
In order for us to be successful in the everlasting life of the Hereafter, it is incumbent upon us to strictly abide by the commandments of Allāh Ta’ala and teachings of Rasulullah صلى الله عليه و سلم in all aspects of life. Allāh Ta’ala states: “Whoever obeys the Messenger صلى الله عليه و سلم has surely obeyed Allāh” (4:80)
Indeed in the Rasūl of Allāh (Hadhrat Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم ) you have a perfect example to follow In this day and age, immodesty and shamelessness has become common and widespread because of which many societies and lives have been destroyed. Lifelong marriages have been broken due to illicit affairs; society is plagued with unlimited problems such as rape, AIDS, drugs etc… The question arises as to what is the root of all these problems.
One of the many reasons for this calamity is shamelessness, immodesty, unnecessary intermingling of sexes and casting evil glances. Many a time we hear of Muslim youth who are cohabiting and more sadly is the fact that their own family members do not dissuade them from destroying their own lives. Some parents call it trial marriage and will say: “if it does not work out the first time, it does not matter…there are plenty of fish in the ocean!!! Many a parent actually encourages that the future groom and bride to go out on dates to acquaint themselves with one another…but to the detriment of everyone, they do not realise that they are actually destroying the life and marriage of their sons or daughters.
“Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه و سلم said, “A man must not be alone with a strange woman unless there is a Mahram”
In their defence parents would usually say: “so and so is a good boy or so and so is a good girl and they know their limits…respected friends! It is a famous saying of the pious that if Junaid Baghdadi (Rahimahullah) and Rabī’ah Basriyah (two of the most elite and pious servants of Allāh Ta’ālā) were alone then the third would be Shaytān. Similarly, any unnecessary contact, conversation, gazing at, and avoidable instances of mixing with the opposite gender is forbidden. The sexual instinct is one of the greatest weaknesses of human beings, especially in this time of Fitnah (Temptation).
When any of the abovementioned acts are committed unnecessarily, it is usually ignites the fire of temptation which in many cases leads to major sins such as adultery, fornication, indecency, rape, unwanted pregnancies and eventually in ends up in destroying society. Allāh Ta’ala has warned in the Glorious Quran by saying: “And do not even go close to fornication. It is indeed a shameful act and an evil way to follow”. (17:32)
In this verse, Allāh Ta’ala did not just say “Do not fornicate”, but He said do not even go close to it, meaning do not do things which may lead to adultery or fornication as Shaytān is quick to mislead the believers.
One of the noblest qualities a person can possess is that of Hayā (modesty). Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه و سلم said: 1. “Modesty is from Īmān, and Īmān leads you to Paradise. Shamelessness and immodesty is from among those things which are futile, and futile things lead you to the fire of Hell. (Sunan Al-Tirmidhi) 2. When Hayā leaves a person, then he/she will do as he wishes 3. “Verily in every religion there is morality, the morality of Islam is modesty”. (Sunan Ibn Mājāh) 4. “Modesty only brings goodness”. (Sahīh Muslim)
Intermingling is one of the main reasons behind the disappearance of Hayā (modesty), which is an intrinsic attribute that Allāh Ta’ālā has blessed both men and women with, so that they do not stoop lower than animals. This is why Islam promotes preventive measures by forbidding such get-togethers from the beginning. We must not give preference to our own intellect over the dictates of the Shariah. Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه و سلم has taught us how to choose our life partners by means of Salātul Istikhārah, mutual consultation and due deliberation.
Hereby are some statistics of the detriments of intermingling before marriage:
1. Those who live together or dated before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates and even if they stayed together after marriage they usually end up less happier that traditional couples. (university of Columbia – Woman’s magazine)
2. The detriments and results of “cohabiting relationships and dating relationships are similar.” (Ibid)
3. Nearly, 40 % of babies born in the United States in 2007 were delivered by unwed mothers and sadly the rate of unwanted pregnancies has increased to 25 % more in the last five years. In 2009 there were 80 million unwanted pregnancies and 42 million induced abortions. (All about socialising before marriage)
4. A study by the first clinic of internal diseases and acute poisonings – medical university of Gdansk, Poland- shows that the most often reason for suicidal attempts was unplanned pregnancies (47.9%). (Ibid)
5. A study by the Guttmacher institute, a leading reproductive health research and advocacy group, estimates that unwanted pregnancies cost the U.S. government an estimated $11.1 billion dollars on a yearly basis. (Ibid)
A group of youth was surveyed and when asked if they will rather get married and commit to a long-lasting relationship, one of them said: “Most girls in today’s time are fools…they will do anything to get attention, therefore why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free?
Therefore respected friends … Safeguard yourselves and your children…verily, intermingling prior to marriage leads to dating, Harām intimate relationships, cohabiting and eventually towards depression, suicide, and destruction of one’s Dunyah and Ākhirah. The solution to these dilemmas lies in adhering to the teachings of Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه و سلم and abiding to the injunctions of the Glorious Qur’ān.
Once in a gathering Hadhrat Maulānā Ashraf Ali Thanwi (Rahimahullah) said: “Teach your children to adhere to the shariah even if they are not Bāligh.” Someone asked: “Hadhrat, if they are not Bāligh, they are not Mukallaf. (Responsible to abide to the dictates of the shariah and answerable to Allah Ta’ala)” Hadhrat Maulānā replied: “Yes, as children they are not Mukallaf but as parents certainly you are Mukallaf.”
MAY ALLĀH TA’AALA BLESS US WITH THE ABILITY OF UNDERSTANDING THE GRAVITY AND CONSEQUENCES OF HARĀM INTERMINGLING